For parents
Is my teenager okay?
Teenagers are meant to pull away a little. That's part of growing up. What's worth noticing is change: when your child is different from their usual self for more than a couple of weeks.
Signs worth noticing
- Sleeping much more or much less than usual
- Dropping friends or activities they used to enjoy
- Big changes in eating, or in how they talk about their body
- Grades slipping, or refusing to go to school
- Irritability or anger that seems out of proportion
- Saying things like "what's the point" or "you'd be better off without me"
That last one always needs a response the same day. Ask them directly and calmly if they're thinking about hurting themselves. Asking does not put the idea in their head.
Listen more than you speak. If they shut down, the door stays open.
Starting the conversation
Pick a side-by-side moment, like a car ride or a walk, rather than a sit-down talk. Lead with what you've seen, not a judgement: "You've seemed really tired lately. I'm not upset, I just want to understand." Then listen more than you speak. If they shut down, that's okay. Let them know the door is open and try again another day.
When to get help
If things haven't eased after a few weeks, or school or home life is suffering, it's a good time to talk to someone. Sometimes I start by meeting the parent alone, so you can plan the next step together.